There maybe rain, snow or sun,
But he’s a regular at the Rose and Crown.
His stomach growls, when he walks.
He looks thirsty and salivates even if he doesn’t talk.
He anxiously waits for Grandpa Joe,
To accompany him to the Rose and Crown at four.
Walks in like he owns the joint, stops,
And then looks around and licks his chops,
The regulars would call out,
Hey, Capt’n! How’s it going? is the shout.
They all love the good capt’n be,
He doesn’t care if you are a he or a she,
If you are trans or a gay.
Or for that matter black, white, green or grey

They call him capt’n for short,
Cause Grandpa Joe loves to sit for hours non stop
Watching James T. Kirk, Spark and Scotty of the Enterprise.
Captain Kirk is Grandpa Joe’s favorite, is of no surprise.
The Capt’n, he’s the friendly type.
A wide grin for a smile that you cannot dislike.
Capt’n has an even cut, short blond hair.
It is all natural with no chemical dyes or sprays
They would shake his hand at the Rose and Crown.
Or pat him on the shoulders and you can never see a frown.
Capt’n would stare at them with disgust, naturally.
If they touch his beard or feel his belly.
He’s not here to give anyone trouble.
He’s here to have his ale, on the double.

Homer, the bartender would have his ale ready.
The Capt’n would quaff it down quick and steady,
White suds would show on his upper lips, pucker.
Shortly, he’ll be asking for another.
The regulars and strangers would chuckle,
Laugh heartily or have a sort of kerfuffle.
Capt’n would visit the folks at each table
You did think he is running for mayor for he is quite able.
A politician he definitely is not,
But he is friendly, to all the lot.
Once in a while you can hear him burp out loud.
The crowd would roar and laugh or even shout.
And some would bend over with tears,
He relieves you from your stress and fears.

One thing you should know is, the Capt’n is very short.
So when he looks up, he can see some without undershorts.
Being the good natured creature that he is,
He will just walk away and not tease.
But you cannot wipe away his grin or his smile.
You see, Capt’n is a yellow Labrador all the while.
Even though you serve him his ale,
He prefers his Guinness or stout as long as its not stale.
Sometimes he likes to come up to you real close,
Nuzzle between your thighs or legs with his nose.
Just to check you up on your medical condition,
In case you have kidney stones or constipation.
He tries to tell but you would not listen.
You push him off and cross your legs for your own reasons.

After two ales or three,
Grandpa Joe would walk in the park among the trees.
A cane on his right hand and himself to steady,
Capt’n by his side, his very best buddy.
The Capt’n makes his mark and surveys all situation.
He makes sure he does not miss any action.
Keen on the ears, eyes and even sharper with the nose,
It does not matter if its a strange sound, sight or smell gross.
He would survey and check out every action.
You should be thankful for he is the good Capt’n.
Below his tail is his third eye,
You can try to hide behind him but on you he will spy.
He would keep track of all the rear situation
He has his third eye on you without any distraction.

So when you go for a drink, a walk or a jog,
Just remember Capt’n is only a dog.
He means not disrespect with his actions.
So when he comes to check out your medical condition,
Please do not shoo him away.
Or you will hurt his feelings for the day.
Or if he tracks you down with his third eye,
Do not turn away in disgust and say fie.
He is only interested in you being safe and not done in,
So just pat him not on the head but under the chin.
Give him a nice cookie or ale and let him not beg,
Also, before I forget, please make sure you bring a plastic bag
In order to keep his expressions,
In keeping with Park regulations.